The Colbert Report/Episode/575
Production Info |- |} |- |} Intro SEGMENT1 * he is not actually bowing; he's leaning into his camera and looking for a bald spot * terrible news * one of America's most popular cold remedies Zicam has been pulled from the shelves after an FDA warning ** sense of smell * Stephen has lost his sense of smell ** blissfully unaware ** summer in New York ** can never be accused of having "dealt it" * after losing his sense of smell, Stephen may now have Super Touch * Stephen was a born skeptic, not always on Zicam ** not created by a school teacher * Zicam's credentials ** has a Z, like Dr. Cliff Huxtable's favorite medicine: Zeezumrazzumprofen ** developed by a man who got his degree *** Excelsior College * Rush's show is sponsored by Zicam ** God only knows where Bill Clinton inserted his Zicam ** makers of Zicam * Jeff Goldblum tells Stephen he and Rush are not alone ** Zicam cannot take the sweet smell of freedom ** don't forget to check out Law & Order Criminal Intent *** Sundays at 9 on USA * Goldblum is still here, but why? SEGMENT3 * don't forget to be terrified at home ** just because * neighbors lock their doors and windows * Special Report: ** Enemy Within *** Salisbury, Maryland * home grown threats * Cane Fu ** program for seniors * a cane is not a crutch, but a tool * secret assisted living facilities * old people can kill a person with a cane ** makes them stronger an healthier *** and deadly * The Cane Fu Army is a sleeper cell in the war on terror ** Nanna next door could but don't push her! Interview * Simon Schama ** book: "The American Future: A History" ** Stephen will skip ahead to the chapter where he is crowned pope! * extremely provocative title * in the future we will write histories ahead of time * Stephen knows who the Romans are * why look to the past? ** the past is full of mistakes, best to leave it there * Thomas Jefferson * one thing Stephen likes about the past ** transfer evil of Hitler to Saddam * he won't admit if he likes Hitler ** he is British and Jewish * tea may be kosher * admits America has: ** a great history ** the greatest history? * Stephen sings America's anthem everyday * studied many revolutions ** what's going in Iran is a revolution ** predicts it will be more like the French Revolution *** it will be ugly, bloody and heads will roll * men should have the freedom to worship the Jesus of his choice * we are running out of stuff ** like water ** golf will end Epilogue * Dr. Colbert knows, he;s not happy about it either ** he suffers *** once the audience leaves, he just sits in his chair waiting for the next show to begin Gallery File: File: File: File: File: File: File: File: File: File: Official Truthy Videos * Colbert Nation Home Tube External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments